GENEVA: You went where? That’s all the way across the country! How did you-- (pauses for a moment listening)
Julian teleported you? I didn’t even know—(pauses listening) You’re right. Sorry. I shouldn’t be yelling. (listens)
That’s so weird. I wonder what other effects this world may have on our magic. Definitely worth studying … later. I can’t say I approve of you going off without letting me know, but keep me updated on what you find.
SFX: Knocking on door
JACQ: Hi, it’s me!
SFX: Door opening.
GENEVA: I still feel weird that you have to knock on the door to your own room.
JACQ: Yeah, it’s pretty weird, but... I’d also feel weird just walking in on you! Soooo... what was all that shouting?
GENEVA: I was talking to Jenn. Apparently, Julian knows some teleportation magic that he didn’t put on his resume. I guess he thought it wasn’t important, because he could only teleport to one place.
JACQ: So... what happened? Did they teleport home??
GENEVA: No, no! I guess somehow he discovered that it worked a little differently here on Earth. So now the whole crew are somewhere in... Arizona.
JACQ: That’s so cool. (pause) And I can see how that would be stressful. Was it like... an accident? Are they gonna be able to get back okay?
GENEVA: I hadn’t even thought of that. I think they will. The trip was intentional, from what they tell me. Julian and Leopold were feeling some kind of connection to Carithell there, and I guess they decided to try teleporting.
I don’t know when Julian realized that it was an option. Jenn didn’t explain everything and I was a bit too shocked to ask. So I’ll have to talk to them about that later.
JACQ: And they just went, without talking to you first?
GENEVA: Yes! And that’s what I’m angry about! I mean, I understand getting wrapped up in a new discovery and just going to investigate it as quickly as I can, but...
JACQ: But you’re the big boss lady!
GENEVA: Yeah! I’m not being petty or anything, right?
JACQ: No! You’re totally valid. I’m angry at them too.
(pause. then, teasingly) I bet you’re dying to figure out what is causing the change in how your magic works.
GENEVA: YES! Ahhh! It’s so hard being angry when I just want to dive into the research. I don’t even know how I would research it. There are so many variables! And I haven’t noticed anything different, personally.
JACQ: Speaking of… I have something for you.
GENEVA: Another gift? But I still haven’t gotten you anything.
JACQ: You don’t have any money, dear. It’s kind of hard to buy things without it. Anyway, you know how I have that podcast that I do.
GENEVA: Mmm hmm
JACQ: Well, one of my listeners, they thought that since the government wasn’t doing much to help you guys, that you should have this.
GENEVA: Is that…
JACQ: Your very own laptop! Normally, I’d turn down a gift as extravagant as this, but I certainly don’t have the money to buy you one, and I figured it was for a good cause.
GENEVA: That’s unreal! They just... bought you a computer? A whole computer?
JACQ: I mean, they bought YOU a computer, and... yeah. It was really generous. I mean, I make a little money off patreon, but I’ve never been gifted anything like this. That’s Critical Role level shit, right there. But I guess they thought it was important that your crew have a better way to do research. Not that magic isn’t great.
GENEVA: I... don’t even know what to say. I’ll have to thank them somehow.
JACQ: Yeah, we can do that. It’s about time we recorded an episode together anyway. So what are you going to name it?
GENEVA: Name it?
JACQ: Yeah, your laptop. I know it’s not really alive or anything, but I like to give things names. The fridge is Durl. The car is Molly. What are you going to name it?
GENEVA: I’m... not sure? What’s your laptop named?
JACQ: Kevin McAllister.
GENEVA: Kevin McAllister? Why did you name it that?
JACQ: UHH well, I got it for Christmas. There’s this movie that I watch every year called Home Alone, and that’s the lead role’s name. He’s a little kid who plays a bunch of tricks on guys who are trying to break into his house. UM. Hot toddies were involved, I don’t know. I just like the way it sounds, it’s kind of a weird name.
GENEVA: Okay, so I should name it after something I like then.
JACQ: Ideally, yes. Bad luck to name it after something you hate. Probably most people just name them after themselves? But that’s boring.
GENEVA: (flirty voice) I could name it after you.
JACQ: (laughing) Noooo, that’s creepy. What is your favorite, like... book. Or play.
GENEVA: Greenie? For the dragon of the green hills? I’m not sure. It sounds a little inelegant. Not as cool as Kevin McAllister. mmmm
JACQ: You could play around with it. Get a fancy word for green. Chartreuse. Malachite. Sage. Uhh. Olive. Those got less impressive as I went I think.
GENEVA: I’ll look some more up!
SFX: typey typey
Let’s see. Ooh Jade is nice. So she’ll be Jade Dragon, and just Jade for short.
JACQ: Huh. My computers are always boys. Aaaand, I’m gonna warn you—Jade Dragon sounds like a restaurant to me.
GENEVA: Ugh. I liked that name, too.
JACQ: (don’t forget to smile while you’re saying this) Haha! It’s a good name, you should keep it. We will probably think of a restaurant joke for it eventually and then we’ll be all smiles.
SFX: kissy kissy
GENEVA: Mmm alright. So now back to this Arizona thing.
JACQ: Right! The team’s in Arizona. Are they somewhere… with people? It’s not a particularly uh, user-friendly environment.
GENEVA: It’s like in a desert, right? That’s kind of weird. If Carithell’s also in a desert... What’s that face?
JACQ: My storytelling brain is just going haywire, it’s nothing.
SFX: more typing
GENEVA: Anyway, they should be fine. We’ve all lived in a desert for a while, and I literally know nothing. I don’t know if they’re in an inhabited area or not.
It didn’t sound inhabited.
JACQ: Um, actually it looks like Arizona doesn’t have a lot of desert left these days.
JACQ: Yeah It’s really weird, apparently the desert is… I was going to say drying up, but the opposite of that. Wetting out? Greenifying? It’s changing, anyway, look.
GENEVA: (reading) Over the past few weeks the environment has done a complete 180, sand and scrub brush have given way to a verdant plain of grass and fertile soil.
This, isn’t normal. I mean clearly, and my team thinks that Carithell’s there. Why would he be changing the environment? HOW is he changing the environment?? That’s really big magic.
JACQ: Maybe it’s not him, maybe it’s a side-effect of his portal? We got some WEIRD stuff here, for a little while.
GENEVA: Maybe. That's probably more likely. Definitely much better than having to face someone who can do magic like that. So I’m just going to hope for that.
JACQ: You should still make sure your team knows what’s up.
GENEVA: Yeah, I still can’t believe they just went without talking to me first. If they’re going to be going away like this… (sighs) maybe I should give Jade Dragon to Jenn, instead.
JACQ: What? Why? Jade is your girl. Your dumpling. (amused at her own joke) There it is.
GENEVA: (ignoring/not getting the joke) Yeah, I know, but I can use your computer here, and having a way to do research in the field would be good I think.
Ugh. I have to try to talk to your government again don’t I?
JACQ: Yep. Ooh we should set you up an email, maybe we can get you in touch with like, someone’s nice assistant? Or an intern! Instead of what we’ve been doing.
GENEVA: Yeah! Let’s try for that. You have a guh-mail, right? I’ve seen you check it a few times.
JACQ: Hee. It’s pronounced Gmail, but yes.
GENEVA: Gmail? Shouldn’t it have a hyphen or something then?
JACQ: Ooh let me talk to you about the etymology of the word gmail… while you think of a handle.
THERIN: End matter