Transcript: Interference S2 E4

JACQ: UGHGHGHGH I don't know what to doooo.

CLAIRE: (Flatly) You should have an open and honest conversation about your feelings.

JACQ: But that's not cool.

CLAIRE: Sure it is. How do you think relationships happen? And besides, when have you been concerned with being cool?

JACQ: Hah! I guess. I don't know. What if she doesn't like me??

CLAIRE: She does.

JACQ: How can you KNOW.

CLAIRE: You are being a disaster bi. She traveled across dimensions to visit you.

JACQ: Nooo, she's doing science! Magic science!

CLAIRE: Jacq! You know that she likes you! She’s said it! Come on, she’s said it, right? You’ve just got to talk to her.

JACQ: THAT WAS BEFORE. She hadn't seen what I look like. And my messy room. And all that. I was a mystery voice floating through her lab.

CLAIRE: Come on Jacq, you’re totally cute. Look, just go for it.

JACQ: Nnnnnn! I'm scared. What if I initiate something and ruin interdimensional relations FOREVER.

CLAIRE: Then send her to my room, and I’ll fix it.

JACQ: Well. At least that's a backup plan.

CLAIRE: Jacq, you’re going to be fine. Trust me. I’m kind of an expert, right? That’s why you’re here.

JACQ: I dunno, I remember a very similar conversation about you and Monique.

CLAIRE: Yeah! And we are still together and she's wonderful and gets along with Drew. So there you go.

JACQ: (sighs) Okay. Maybe if this meeting with the goons goes well, I’ll say something.

CLAIRE: Good luck with that mess. (Hurried/raised voice as Jacq is heading out the door) Make sure you kiss your girlfriend for me when you get back.

SFX: Door slams

JACQ: I hate hate hate dealing with our fucking government! It’s a miracle that they don’t have you locked up in a cell somewhere! Like one cell for all of you. How are you supposed to do anything if you’re confined to the park?

Do you want a drink? I’m going to have a drink.

GENEVA: Um, do you still have soda? Also I’m sorry. You don’t have to be the one dealing with them you know. It’s really my responsibility.

SFX: Refrigerator opening, drink pouring

JACQ: I know, It’s just. You’re not from here, so you don’t know what they’re like, and I don’t want them harassing you. We should probably get a lawyer, but I don’t really want to deal with one of them either.

GENEVA: You know you’re not really making humans sound very good. Aren’t you supposed to be convincing me.

JACQ: I mean, politics are always rough right? Absolute power corrupts absolutely and all that?

GENEVA: True, of course you know I am the big boss lady. I hope I don’t fall too far to the darkness.

JACQ: You’re running a small group of scientists. I think you should be all right. Anyway I’d rather not talk about this right now. So tell me a story.

GENEVA: You want me to tell you a story? Like what? About Aellark, or Chel?

JACQ: Sure! Anything, just something to get my mind off that fucking asshole, and this horrible place I live.

GENEVA: Okay, a story. I can do that. So, uh…

JACQ: It doesn’t have to be something real. You can just make something up.

GENEVA: Okay, so once there was this very pretty human woman. Like she was gorgeous, and smart, and super nice and everything.

JACQ: And did this woman have a name?

GENEVA: Uh, yeah. Her name was, uh Radio.

JACQ: Radio? That’s a weird name.

GENEVA: Yes, but I kind of like it. I think it sounds pretty. Anyway, so this lady worked in the audio industry, which as you can imagine must have been very confusing, being named Radio. People poked fun at her name pretty often. Saying stuff like, uh “Hey Radio I think your electromagnetic waves are interfering with this microphone?”

JACQ: ...wow. Sick burn.

GENEVA: I don’t know, I don’t know much about your Earth technology, yet, okay. Do you have a better one?

JACQ: No. It’s your story.

GENEVA: You’re right, it is! So stuff like that. Anyway one day, while she was testing a couple of new woofers that they’d just received.

JACQ: Woofers? Oh like subwoofers, okay got you. Sorry.

GENEVA: (clears throat) So she was testing the woofers, and as she connected them she heard this strange noise coming out of them. It sounded like someone speaking, but it was distorted and weird, and shouldn’t have been there.

JACQ: ...Are you just telling the story of how we met?

GENEVA: No! Is your name Radio? Is my name Radio?

JACQ: She doesn’t have to have the same name for the story to be about us, but go ahead. What happens next?

GENEVA: So she starts using all of her audio equipment to try to isolate all the noise from the voice. It takes her a few days, I mean she has a job to do, and they don’t need these woofers right away. So she finally isolates the voice and when she does she hears it say. “Connection established, Unit coming through.”

And then the voice stops and there’s this loud whirring noise, and then this big blue alien appears right in front of her. It’s huge like 10 feet tall, and with long gangly arms and big brown eyes, and it bends down and says, “Hello Radio! I am Kzharsk, I have listened to your voice passing through the space between our worlds, and I wanted to meet you.

(Pause)

JACQ: Goodness! What did Radio say?

GENEVA: Well I think Radio’s first response was a scream. Because this strange creature had suddenly appeared before her, and more than that she was a human from Earth so these kind of things just didn’t happen.

JACQ: Fair.

GENEVA: So she screamed and tried to run, but Kzharsk stopped her. She grabbed Radio by the arm and said “Please, do not run. I just wish to speak with you and mean you no harm. I do not wish to distress you. I will leave if you wish.”

And then, Radio nodded, and pulled her arm gently out of Kzharsk’s grasp. She said, “Please leave.”

And so looking sad, Kzharsk left.

JACQ: Aww! That was very civilized but sad.

GENEVA: But that is not where the story ends! No, for Kzharsk did not give up

JACQ: Ooooo

GENEVA: A few days passed, and Radio began receiving that strange interference again. It was easier to dial in on it this time, and soon she and Kzharsk began to hold regular conversations.

JACQ: Did they become best friends FOREVER?

GENEVA: They did, and even more! Because as they talked they realized that they cared for each other very much, until one day Radio asked Kzharsk to come over for a visit.

Sfx: opening another drink

GENEVA: And when she arrived, Radio pulled her into a big hug, and then darted up a stepstool she had prepared and gave her a big kiss right on the lips.

And the two of them spent the rest of their lives together roaming the stars and hanging out on Earth.

JACQ: (Laughing) Radio was smart to be so prepared. I guess you're right, she's nothing like me, I wouldn't think to bring a stepstool.

GENEVA: That’s alright I’m not as tall as Kzharsk I can just bend down a little.

Sfx: kissy kissy

JACQ: That was just my cheek, we are pretty cowardly huh?

GENEVA: (laughs) a little bit. I really like you though.

JACQ: Well. That's good. I like you too.

GENEVA: I’ve um not really kissed anyone before. So, yeah there’s that.

JACQ: It would be really cheesy if I said I could teach you, right? I won't say that.

GENEVA: But, what about my tusks you know? Like are human lips tough enough to deal with an accidental prod? They’re kinda just right there you know. I don’t want to hurt you.

JACQ: I am… you keep setting me up for cliches, but, okay. I am extremely willing to find out.

(Theme music plays)

THERIN: Thank you for listening. Interference is an Orc Zone production. Geneva and Jacq were played by Hazel and Therin Stapp. For more information, to read transcripts, or to get in touch, head to orczone.com, or hit us up on Twitter @theorczone. As always, we thank Jahzzar for the use of their song “Please Listen Carefully” as our theme.